Last night we went to a funeral for the son of a school principal in our town. Age 24, an engineering graduate, he committed suicide last week in Bangkok. We’ve been to many funerals in Thailand, but they’ve all been for old people, so this had some similarities and some differences. [Note: By "funeral," I am referring to what we would think of as a "wake" in America. In northern Thailand, up to seven nights of funeral are sponsored by different community groups and take place at the house. After the funeral nights are finished, there is a daytime cremation ceremony at the local crematorium. Robert has been to a cremation, but I have not.]
Last night’s funeral was sponsored by the school district, the police department, the hospital, and one of the outlying villages, so many teachers and principals were in attendance. The basic format was the same as the other funerals I have attended: everyone was dressed in black and white; a photo display of the deceased was prominently set; representatives of each group presented bouquets and money to the family in front of the casket; the monks arrived after 8pm and did long chantings and a sermon; the formal ceremony was followed by snacks (in this case, oranges, banana chips and Thai herbs juice); and there was little display of sadness or grief.
This was a much more somber event than the other funerals I have attended, though. Instead of chatting loudly during the sermon, most people seemed to be listening, or at least sitting quietly. There were few cell phones ringing, and only one extended phone conversation. I’m not usually able to hear much of the monk’s preaching because of all the distraction, but last night much of it was very clear, and I clarified main points with a Thai friend afterward.
The sermon seemed to focus specifically on suicide and on what we in America would call depression. Robert and I agreed, later, though, that we wish it could have had a different slant. I don’t see how blaming the young man for his sadness, or implying that he hadn’t done enough good deeds, is respectful of the family or of anyone else who might be similarly suffering. I think that part of the issue is that in Thailand, depression doesn’t "exist." It’s an unacceptable state. (We once heard a Thai person comment that she couldn’t understand why someone who had graduated from college and had a good job could be suffering from depression, because she clearly had enough food to eat.) It made us appreciate the wealth of resources that exist in America for people who have mental or emotional problems.
It was also hard to hear that in Thai Buddhism, a person who has committed suicide is permanently removed from the circle of death and rebirth, and will therefore never have an opportunity to reach Nirvana. Most other sins can be forgiven, it seems, even if you have to be reborn as a lowly animal for a while, but not suicide. Though not a believer in reincarnation myself, I feel a great deal of sympathy for a family who, in addition to grieving for the loss of their loved one, doesn’t even have the comfort of believing they might be moving on to a better place.
We know of three suicides within our small community of teachers, principals, and their families – two of which occurred since our arrival in this town, and one that was not too many years before. All were individuals in their 20s or 30s. It seems to me to be an high number for such a small group of people. Part of me wonders if the attitude towards depression in Thai society is one that results in a higher incidence of suicide, because people are not able to find help for what could be a treatable condition. To quote Robert, the experience last night left us with mixed feelings: sadness for the family who lost their son, some anger at the monk for the content of his sermon, and gratefulness to be part of a society – Americans – in which depression can be recognized and treated.
Last night’s funeral was sponsored by the school district, the police department, the hospital, and one of the outlying villages, so many teachers and principals were in attendance. The basic format was the same as the other funerals I have attended: everyone was dressed in black and white; a photo display of the deceased was prominently set; representatives of each group presented bouquets and money to the family in front of the casket; the monks arrived after 8pm and did long chantings and a sermon; the formal ceremony was followed by snacks (in this case, oranges, banana chips and Thai herbs juice); and there was little display of sadness or grief.
This was a much more somber event than the other funerals I have attended, though. Instead of chatting loudly during the sermon, most people seemed to be listening, or at least sitting quietly. There were few cell phones ringing, and only one extended phone conversation. I’m not usually able to hear much of the monk’s preaching because of all the distraction, but last night much of it was very clear, and I clarified main points with a Thai friend afterward.
The sermon seemed to focus specifically on suicide and on what we in America would call depression. Robert and I agreed, later, though, that we wish it could have had a different slant. I don’t see how blaming the young man for his sadness, or implying that he hadn’t done enough good deeds, is respectful of the family or of anyone else who might be similarly suffering. I think that part of the issue is that in Thailand, depression doesn’t "exist." It’s an unacceptable state. (We once heard a Thai person comment that she couldn’t understand why someone who had graduated from college and had a good job could be suffering from depression, because she clearly had enough food to eat.) It made us appreciate the wealth of resources that exist in America for people who have mental or emotional problems.
It was also hard to hear that in Thai Buddhism, a person who has committed suicide is permanently removed from the circle of death and rebirth, and will therefore never have an opportunity to reach Nirvana. Most other sins can be forgiven, it seems, even if you have to be reborn as a lowly animal for a while, but not suicide. Though not a believer in reincarnation myself, I feel a great deal of sympathy for a family who, in addition to grieving for the loss of their loved one, doesn’t even have the comfort of believing they might be moving on to a better place.
We know of three suicides within our small community of teachers, principals, and their families – two of which occurred since our arrival in this town, and one that was not too many years before. All were individuals in their 20s or 30s. It seems to me to be an high number for such a small group of people. Part of me wonders if the attitude towards depression in Thai society is one that results in a higher incidence of suicide, because people are not able to find help for what could be a treatable condition. To quote Robert, the experience last night left us with mixed feelings: sadness for the family who lost their son, some anger at the monk for the content of his sermon, and gratefulness to be part of a society – Americans – in which depression can be recognized and treated.
2 comments:
Very interesting post! Thanks. :)
One of the things I want to bring to mind though is that most Christian religions hold the same belief about suicide, that the person will "go to hell". It's the same thing, really. All religions seem to have the same basic precepts. They're just packaged differently.
And as for resources for depression, I agree with some of what you say. As one who has clinical depression that requires constant treatment, I can tell you that the quality and availability of treatment depends entirely on one's financial status and insurance.
The same judgemental attitude is present in that most people believe those with depression should just "snap out of it".
No culture has this one perfected (at least not any I've studied).
One day, if you get the chance, it would be interesting to hear from you about homelessness in Thailand. Also, perhaps (if you're willing) it would be interesting also to hear about extended families.
Thanks for such a glimpse into funerals in Thailand. :)
Peace,
~Chani
This was an interesting post. I have heard before here that depression doesn't "exist". It goes against what is deemed as acceptable emotions here. This is really too bad. Honestly, I don't know a lot about the rate of suicide, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is even more than we have a sense of. Expression of these emotions is unacceptable and I doubt anyone will lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Between lack of personal or professional support, to someone in this state, suicide most probably seems like the only option.
What a sad account. Unfortunately I'm not surprised!
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